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February 18 My DiseaseDr. Unheimlich's Disease Registry
* Let Your Name Outlive Your Illness * I thought as much. You are suffering from
Sabrinaosis. Cause: early mornings Symptoms: squeaky voice, mild temperature sensitivity, iris colour-changes, night terrors Cure: take a day off school
February 06 How To Understand EnglishWOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry =You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk =You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead =You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! 10.You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay January 22 The Best Song I Have Heard So Far This YearDROPKICK MURPHYS LYRICS "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" I play in a band We're the best in the land We're big in both Chelsea and France I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty These other gals mean nothing to me Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night 'Cause I'm more than a handfull you'll see [Chorus:] So kiss me, I'm shitfaced and i'm soaked and i'm soiled and brown in the trousers, She kissed me! And I only bought her one round I can bench press a car I'm an ex football star with degrees from both Harvard and Yale Girls just can't keep up I'm a real love machine I've had far better sex while in jail I designed the Sears tower I make two grand an hour I cook the world's best duck flambe I'll take the pick of the litter And girls jockey for me I don't need these lines to get laid [Chorus] I'm the man of the night A real ladies delight See, my figure was chisled from stone One more for the gal then I'll escort her home Come last call, I'm never alone I own a house on the hill with a red water bed It puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame With girls by the pool and italian sports cars I'm just here in this dump for the game [Chorus x2] Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shittin'? I'm a pitiful sight And I ain't all that bright I'm definitly not chisled from stone I'm a cheat and a liar No woman's desire I'll probably die cold and alone But just give me a chance Cause deep down inside I swear I got a big heart of gold I'm a monogamous man No more one night stands Come on, honey, let me take you home [Chorus x4] |
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